


A fever broke somewhere behind July; remember how I weighed 135

by StarkerThanReality



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Age Difference, Blow Jobs, Depression, Eating Disorder Not Otherwise Specified, Eating Disorders, Hospitalization, Implied Sexual Content, Injury, M/M, Purging, References to Depression, Sexual Content, Starker
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-17
Updated: 2018-11-17
Packaged: 2019-08-24 19:44:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,499
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16646522
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StarkerThanReality/pseuds/StarkerThanReality
Summary: "The irony is that often those that feel the most need for control, are themselves the ones being controlled by their own fears, insecurities, and doubts." - Carlos Felfoldi





	A fever broke somewhere behind July; remember how I weighed 135

**Author's Note:**

> This is a story written from the perspective of an eating disordered person, so trigger warnings for eating disorders.
> 
> Title is taken from the song Feeling Small by Marianas Trench
> 
> Moodboard has been reposted on my new Tumblr, same name

Peter choked and tried desperately to pull cool clean air into his lungs. His eyes watered and his nose ran as he spit acidic bile into the porcelain bowl before him. The water in the sink ran to cover up any embarrassing sounds from being sick. He quickly flushed and stood to begin washing his hands and face, swishing cold water around in his mouth to rid himself of the coppery, sickening taste.  
He had to be quick because his Avengers team members were all still milling about, waiting for him to return. He quickly dried himself off and tried to make himself look presentable before he opened the door to return to the common room. The only evidence of his being sick was the red circles around his eyes.  
He turned the knob and stepped into the hallway, almost colliding with the huge mass that was Bucky Barnes in his haste. His face twinged pink and he muttered out an apology before trying to step around him.  
"I heard you hurl," the man stated plainly. The color drained from Peter's face but he didn't turn around to face the man.  
"You get off on listening to people in the bathroom?" Peter half-heartedly joked. Bucky snorted out a chuckle.  
"I just had to take a leak. Happened to hear you. You got the flu or something?" He returned casually.  
"'M fine," Peter replied over his shoulder, finally walking away toward the common area. Bucky let it go and went into the bathroom.

Peter sat on the couch with a groan, throwing his leg up next to him. Tony sat on the couch as well, reading over some science theses or something of the like on his Stark pad and Peter's leg draped across his lap when he sprawled out.  
"You alright kid? You ran to the bathroom pretty quick after you ate, I was getting worried about you," Tony asked without looking up at him. Peter's stomach churned a little and he thought over a quick response before he answered.  
"I'm fine. I think that sandwich just wasn't sitting well in my stomach is all," he said nonchalantly, reaching to grab the remote for the television. The sleeve of his hoodie slid up as he did so and his boney wrist stuck out. He quickly grabbed the tool and pulled his hand back close to his body, glancing at Tony to see if he'd been watching. He hadn't.  
Peter clicked through the channels boredly for awhile before falling asleep where he lay. Tony had gotten bored with his research as well and had stretched out next to Peter, wrapping his arms around Peter's hips. Tony thought they felt a little bonier than usual but paid it no mind as he drifted off to sleep.

A short while later, Peter woke to a low whistle sounding above him and peeked groggily at the source of the noise. The sunlight had shifted and shadows were longer around the room, no artificial source of light having been turned on. It took a minute for Peter's focus to catch up with his now waking self.  
Tony was still asleep with his arms around Peter but his sweatshirt had slid up, revealing his stomach.  
Resting, it was concave, hip bones jutting out above his waistband and his bottom couple ribs stuck out like the roof of a cave. He quickly squirmed and struggled to pull his hoodie back down to cover himself before he remembered that someone had whistled. He frantically looked up to meet Steve's worried blue eyes. His face looked caught between worried and disgusted as he stood over the two of them silently.  
Peter and Steve looked at each other for a minute, neither knowing what to say. Finally, Steve broke the silence.  
"Pete, are you oka-" Peter cut him off before he could finish his question.  
"I'm fine! I've been sick for a little while, I've just lost a couple pounds," he quickly assured. Steve's eyes went wide.  
"A couple p-!" Peter cut him off again.  
"It's nothing serious, you don't have to worry about it. Besides, I'm laying down, everyone looks thinner when they're laying!" He pressed. Steve didn't really look convinced but he nodded his head anyways.  
"Well, if you need anything, I'm always here." Peter just smiled up at him awkwardly and hoped for him to leave. He let out a deep breath when Steve made a beeline for his own bedroom and wiped a little perspiration from his forehead, turning his attention back to Tony.  
The man still slept peacefully. No one wanted to wake him when he finally did sleep. He spent so much time awake, running on empty and caffeine that when he did fall asleep, nobody had the heart to disturb him. Peter gently carded his hands through his fluffy dark hair and watched his chest rising and falling slowly. He counted the older man's breaths and used the tempo to calm his own breathing and relax his body. 

Tony and Peter had gotten closer over their years together. Peter always had a little crush on the man but he was ecstatic to find that Tony had similar feelings when Tony had had a little bit too much to drink at Peter's seventeenth birthday party. It had been relatively small but with most of the Avengers and Aunt May, Ned and Michelle, his friends from school, it had been plenty spirited. It had been at the compound so that they could be as loud as they wanted without bothering May's neighbors.  
Clint kept loud music playing and everyone had a great time dancing and chatting with each other throughout the day.  
Michelle snuck a few wine coolers for herself, Ned and Peter (and a few more after that for herself) and by the end of the night, she sat at a table on Thor's lap, completely enthralled in a conversation about espionage with Natasha, and Ned had found a giant purple stuffed cow and was dancing happily with it in the middle of the floor. No one knew where he found it. Once it started getting late, Steve had wished Peter a last happy birthday and gone to bed, and Peter was left with Tony on the dance floor.  
The older man had quite a few drinks throughout the night and had pulled Peter into the middle of the room and was trying to lead him in a slow dance through Peter's giggles. The music started playing and Tony recognized it immediately as one of the ones that he'd been listening to in his workshop lately. He pulled the teen closer than Peter expected and held him tightly but comfortably against his own body and chuckled low in his chest.  
"I love this song!"  
Peter blushed when he felt the low vibrations resonating from Tony's chest into his own and let Tony lead the dance. He didn't want to read too much into it so he just smiled and ever so gently rested his hand against Tony's chest happily.  
Tony sighed out in contentment, a little bit too loudly and Peter couldn't hold his laugh again.  
"Happy birthday, little boy," Tony murmured into Peter's ear. Peter blushed but wasn't offended by the title. Tony had said it so sweetly that it couldn't have been meant to be malicious.  
He melted a little closer to the taller man and closed his eyes. The song wasn't exactly slow but Tony was excellent at leading a dance. Peter could smell the familiar scent of sandalwood and cinnamon and metal and he breathed in deeply.  
Tony continued talking but Peter still couldn't be sure if he'd meant to speak out loud or not when he thought about the moment in the future.

"I've thought about this day over the past few years since I've known you, so many times. Not just dancing but, you know, you being an adult. Actually, never with dancing but, still. Eighteen would be better but beggars can't be choosers right?" He chuckled to himself and Peter's face burned at the words, but he didn't interrupt the older man's rambling.  
"You're so cute when you think I can't see you watching me. In the workshop. In the tower. I can always see you, Peter. I've always _seen_ you." The way he said it made Peter think the words had a deeper meaning than what it seemed they did. His head was spinning slightly from the bubbly drinks he'd had and how late it was getting. He took a steadying breath and dared to rest his head on Tony's shoulder, closing the space between them completely. He was relieved when Tony's automatic reaction was to wrap his arms tighter around Peter's waist and shoulders, large hand on the back of the his neck, and he closed his eyes with a tiny contented sigh.  
The two men didn't notice that Michelle, Nat and Thor had all stopped their conversation at the sight of them so close finally, watching intently. They all knew that Peter had a crush on the billionaire from the start and they'd watched them getting closer over the years but never had Tony dared to be so open about his own affections.  
"I'd love to kiss you, Pete," Tony continued after a moment in comfortable silence. Peter's head jerked up, eyes wide and mouth open slightly. He didn't answer because he couldn't decide if he'd really heard it or not. Tony seemed lost in his thoughts anyways and didn't notice Peter's reaction, continuing to verbalize what was on his mind.  
"I mean, I would _love_ to really, but I'm pretty sure that _you_... Have been drinking-" he paused-"and I have _definitely_ been drinking," he added with a quiet laugh, "and it would probably get me in a lot of trouble if I were to make moves on you in this condition," he sighed dramatically, dropping his arm to rest with the other around Peter's waist.  
Peters heart threatened to leap out of his throat at the words he was hearing. He couldn't believe the older man was freely admitting to mutual feelings for him. It was like his most favorite fantasy coming to life, but it was gearing up to be the biggest disappointment instead, and he could definitely not let that happen.  
"Wait! Mr. Stark, y-you wouldn't be taking advantage of me or anything, I-I-" he struggled to stutter out. Tony smiled down at him and tried to hold back his chuckles. Peter's eyes went wide and in a moment of panic he leaned up on his toes and pressed his lips to the older man's. His hands snaked up his chest and grabbed onto his shoulders, pulling him down farther. Tony froze for a moment before melting completely into the teens' kiss, hands pulling his smaller body impossibly closer. He parted his lips and licked at Peter's, encouraging him to part his own. As soon as he did, Tony deepened the kiss, reaching up to thread his fingers through the teens' soft curls. When they finally broke the kiss gasping for air, they could hear the three at the table clapping and cheering for them loudly over the music. Michelle yelled, "Go jailbait! Finally legal, woo!"  
Peter blushed and sheepishly looked over his shoulder at them and saw that Ned had joined them as well. Tony laughed heartily.

After everyone had left for the night, including his reluctant aunt, Tony had invited Peter back to his personal bedroom, carrying a large piece of leftover birthday cake for them to share, and Peter did everything within his power not to have an embarrassing starstruck moment when he stepped inside. He looked around the room in wonder but he didn't have long to look because Tony closed the door quietly behind them and then closed the distance between them, setting the cake aside on a small table and cradling Peter's face in his hands and kissing him deeply again. He kicked off his shoes and socks and pulled Peter's soft cotton shirt from his chest as he guided Peter to the oversized bed, doing his best not to break the kiss.  
Peter's legs bumped the bed and he lost his balance, falling backward. He panted heavily, thin chest heaving as he looked up at Tony standing above him. He felt a little insecure under the older man's scrutiny but ignored it and reached to unbutton Tony's shirt, pulling it off until they were both in their jeans. Tony motioned for Peter to move to the head of the fluffy bedspread and unbuttoned his own jeans, opening them but leaving them on. As soon as Peter was laying comfortably in the pile of pillows, he crawled to meet him, straddling the teens' hips and placing his hands above Peter's shoulders by his ears. He just looked down at Peter, drinking in the beautiful sight for as long he could, studying the way his chocolate eyes looked dreamily back at him through hooded eyelids, and the way his face flushed pink down his delicate neck and shoulders. Peter's lips were so plush and red and inviting and Tony could hear the way Peter held back little whines in his throat at his own arousal. He watched the teen squirm below him and didn't think he'd ever seen anything so beautiful before. Peter's hands roamed across Tony's bare chest and shoulders lightly, tracing around the glowing blue reactor in the man's chest, but so gently, almost as though he were afraid to touch Tony. The man leaned down slowly and placed a warm wet kiss on Peter's perfect collar bone. Peter bit his lip and smiled with his eyes closed, overtaken by another bought of squirming. Tony just watched the perfect boy beneath him, in no rush to move any faster.  
Peter finally spoke up for the first time since they'd left the party downstairs and his voice was quiet and thick with arousal.  
"Mr. Stark, I've wanted you for so long, I'm so glad you want me too. I can't wait to have you inside me," he breathed out lustily. Tony tried and failed to hold back a moan and his hard cock twitched against Peter through his clothes.  
"Oh Petey, god you're so hot," he whispered back just as breathily. He looked down at the teens' defined body and placed his large hand across Peter's chest, palm centered on his sternum and feeling the heart beating rapidly there. Tony paused and bit his lip between his teeth for a moment as he contemplated the situation, then let out an exasperated sigh, dropping his head down.  
"I've had too many drinks to do this tonight Pete, I want your first time to be special," he said resolutely. "I don't want to feel like I took advantage of you."  
He looked up at Peter and his eyes widened at the devastated look on the teens face.  
"We can still kiss! If you want to," Tony quickly amended softly, hot breath fanning across the skin of Peter's throat as he said it, kissing his sharp jaw line softly and pressing his own erection into Peter's thigh. Peter let out a shudder and closed his eyes, raising his chin high to allow as much access to his throat as possible and arching his back to press his body into the larger man. Tony continued kissing wetly down the boy's soft neck and into the hollow of his throat. Peter writhed beneath him, hands gripping at the soft, fluffy hair on the back of the Tony's head and bringing his knobby knees up around Tony's hips, pulling him close.  
"C-Can you touch me, Mr. Stark? Please, is that ok?" Peter's shakey timid voice rang out in the silence and Tony couldn't help the deep moan that passed over his lips and spilled onto Peter's chest hotly. He lapped at Peter's deliciously soft skin with a wide tongue from the teens' prominent hips, up his stomach and chest and ending at his throat, sucking a dark mark there with his plush lips.  
"Oh yes, baby boy, I would love nothing more than to fill that request for you," Stark murmured seductively. Peter let out a small whine and pressed his own hard length into Tony's stomach, grinding against him and letting whimpers fall from his lips. Tony slid his hand around Peter's hip to his lower back and gently pressed his small body against his own larger one, grinding them together and drawing sounds of pleasure from them both. Peter leaned up and pressed his lips to Tony's again, the older immediately deepening the kiss to taste as much of Peter's mouth as he could. Peter shoved the older man to the side and climbed on top of him, straddling his hips and resting his ass against Tony's larger erection. Tony had already unbuttoned his jeans, so his hard length strained against his boxers, easily accessible for Peter.  
The teen leaned up and made quick work of undoing his own jeans and shimmying them from his legs, revealing his red and gold boxer briefs, with a picture of the ARC reactor on the front.  
"W-wait, Peter-"  
"It's ok Mr. Stark! I'll leave my boxers on, I promise. I just want to feel you better, please," Peter cut off with a beg, eyes pleading. Tony couldn't deny how much he loved the sight of the teen on his lap, boxer briefs riding high on his creamy white thighs, exposing so much skin, sweat beginning to glisten on his well toned chest. He reached forward and carressed the teens' inner thigh, feeling the velvety skin there and they both loosed a low moan at the feeling. Peter's cock twitched as Tony's fingertips accidentally gently grazed against it, the older man's depth perception off from the nights' drinks. Peter sucked in a hiss of a breath at the feeling and couldn't help leaning forward and rolling his hips against Tony's stomach. Tony squeezed his hand between their bodies and gently gripped Peter's hard length. It was average sized, not small but not as big as Tony's, and it fit perfectly in Tony's firm grip. Peter let out a yelp of pleasure and jutted his hips sloppily into the man's hand, relishing in the contact. Tony moaned at the feeling of the wetness seeping through Peter's boxer briefs and watched Peter's face through hooded eyes. He quickly began pumping Peter through the soft cotton and held his hips firm with his other hand, stilling his erratic thrusts and wriggling. It was too hard for the older man to concentrate with Peter squirming against his hard cock, as close as he was already. His own cock was leaking through his boxers, making every bump against Peter's supple ass all the more sensitised and maddening.  
Peter suddenly reached down to Tony's hand, gently pulling his fingers loose and quickly freeing his hard cock from the confines of the cotton and then he closed Tony's fingers back around the soft skin of his length, moving as quickly as he could.  
Tony's hand jerked, like he were about to pull it away, but he left it there, looking up at Peter. He swallowed dryly and opened his mouth to speak.  
"Peter-" he was cut off once again by the younger before he could say anything.  
"Please Mr Stark, I _want_  
this, I _really_ want this! I want _you_! I want you to be my first, please!” he begged shamelessly, hand on Tony's chest beginning to dig into the skin beneath it. Tony cocked his head slightly to the side contemplatively and regarded the teens' words for a moment before grabbing his slender hips and throwing him onto the bed again. He quickly rolled to pin him to the mattress and growled low in his ear before nipping at the sensitive skin at his jaw. Peter jingled out a shuddery laugh and pressed his body tightly against Tony's. Tony's hands traced their way down Peter's sides and hooked onto the elastic at his hips, slowly pulling the red and gold boxer briefs down to reveal his leaking, red desire. Peter shivered in excitement and his teeth chattered as he smiled, unable to contain his nerves. Tony kissed all around Peter's little cock, leaving wet patches where his tongue darted out to taste skin. He lavished affection on everything except his cock and Peter whined high in his throat, needing. Finally, Tony moved to sit up and slowly pulled his own jeans off. Peter noticed for the first time that Tony's underwear were adorned with little Spiderman symbols and webs and let out a genuine laugh at the sight, blushing red. Tony smiled in return and laughed out, "What? I can't be a Spidey-fan?" Peter giggled for a moment and heaved a tiny happy sigh, tension broken. Tony leaned back over the young adult boy and passionately kissed him, reaching down to replace his grasp on Peter's shaft, pulling a gasp from the youngers' lungs. He dropped his own hips and slid his hard cock from the opening in his boxers, sliding himself beneath Peter's erection into the space between his thighs. He pushed Peter's legs together more and began to pump his hand and hips in tandem, fucking him femorally while fisting him. Peter yelped and wriggled his hips back and forth into Tony's hand, his own precome slicking his cock and feeling Tony's precome between his cheeks. He was soon shouting out his release, followed right behind by Tony, and then they were recovering together, covered in each other's sticky cum and panting. They'd layed like that for a few more minutes, Tony reaching to the abandoned piece of cake to scoop a glob of frosting and feed it lovingly to Peter.  
When they got up they headed for Tony's shower and washed each other tenderly, kissing every chance they got, before finally drying off and getting dressed again. Tony's AI had changed the bedding while they showered and they climbed into the cool crisp sheets together, wrapping themselves in each other and falling asleep for the night.  
Peter had woken first the next morning and wasted no time sliding down beneath the blankets and freeing Tony's soft cock from his pants, placing his warm mouth around it and sucking and licking in earnest, making the man hard in his sleep. When Tony woke a moment later he was getting close to his release already and grabbed Peter's soft curls to stop him and pull him off.  
"Pete, not that I'm complaining," he said groggily, "but it's not _my_ birthday." He laughed. Peter smiled up at him from under the blankets and licked his lips, a move that Tony tracked with his hungry gaze.  
"Mr. Stark, are you drunk?" Peter asked bluntly. Tony scoffed and snorted a laugh. "Nope. Not anymore, prince." He dropped his head back to the pillows, yawning and stretching out.  
"Then you can fuck me now," Peter said quietly, voice sounding breathy. Tony snapped to attention at the words and smiled down at the teens' big, eager eyes.  
Tony spent most of that morning kissing, touching, caressing and preparing Peter until he was a begging, panting mess beneath him before he finally ( _finally_ ) gave Peter what he'd been begging for. From that day on they were together almost always. Tony started asking Peter to leave some of his things in his room and Peter started sleeping less and less in his own bedroom. They were no strangers to PDA and everyone that knew them were so happy that they'd finally found a partner that made them happy and balanced each other.  
Peter was especially happy, now that his childhood dreams had really come true. He couldn't believe he got so lucky as to be the one that Tony made love to in the nights and woke up to in the mornings. 

One day, the team got called out for a mission, some particularly nasty alien scum were terrorizing the lower part of the city. No one was entirely sure how they'd gotten there but they all knew that they needed to be stopped before anyone got hurt.  
Spidey was the first on the scene, swinging around the small group of hostile aliens and trying to keep them rounded up until the rest of the team got there. He shot his webbing at them and tried to keep them occupied. Finally, Captain America showed up and made his arrival known, running at full force straight into one of the foul creatures and knocking into the rest of them. They all began to brawl on the ground, so Spiderman swung low and took one of them out with a kick to the chest before it could get Cap from behind his back. The others started showing up, each of them tackling one or two of the beasts with their own chosen methods and Peter was glad they were there. The things put up a good fight but from a quick glance around, it seemed that everyone had them handled. Tony had shown up last as Iron Man and had been grappling with one of the largest creatures. This one seemed to be the leader of the things and he was more powerful than the rest.  
"You got that, Iron Man?" Peter yelled from where he was roping two of them together. Iron Man's mechanical whir sounded as he turned his head in the direction of Peter's voice.  
"All good, Underoos. I'll be done here in a jiff." He threw a punch at the thing's head and it seemed to have knocked it unconscious as it crumpled to the ground. Iron Man turned his back on it to check that his teamates were faring well and saw that everyone had pretty much incapacitated the entire group of aliens. Tony dropped his face plate and called out, "Good work," to the rest of the team. Spidey turned his head in Tony's direction again, smile hidden beneath his mask but as he looked at Tony, he saw the creature on the ground stirring.  
What happened next seemed to happen so quickly, Peter barely had any time to wrap his head around it, let alone call out a warning.  
The thing reached to the side of it's leg, pulling off a piece of armor and pushing a hidden button. The piece of armor flung out to become something like a sharp sabor and it plunged the weapon straight forward into Tony's back. Tony's suit made a sickening crunch like that of a soda can and Peter watched, horrified as the weapon slid right through Tony's front, like it was slicing through butter. Tony's eyes locked onto Spiderman and his face was one of surprise and pain and shock and fear, then he collapsed to his knees.  
Peter could hear screaming, someone screaming Tony's name. After a moment, he realized it was his own voice. He rushed to Tony's side, everything else falling away from his vision, and grabbed the man, trying to hold him upright.  
"Tony?! Tony!" He called, trying to keep his older lover conscious. The rest of the team whirred around them, Clint taking care of the last alien and everyone shouting out orders. Peter couldn't remember exactly what happened after that, too concerned with the weapon sticking grotesquely from Tony's stomach and the blood that poured all over them both.  
Someone had gently pulled Peter from Tony and into a strong embrace. He was pretty sure it was Nat but he didn't really know. Thor had lifted Tony's body and they had flown to the hospital nearby, Peter swinging after them as soon as he got his bearings back a little more.  
He'd stood in the waiting room, suited up and covered in dark blood, waiting for any word on Tony's condition. No one else in the waiting room dared approach him but everyone stared.  
Finally, what seemed like ages later, he was allowed into a room with the man. His condition had stabilized and he was conscious but barely. The doctor informed them both that he'd lost a lot of blood but that luckily nothing vital had been hit in the attack. He'd have to take it easy for a while to heal completely but he'd be discharged within a day or two. Once the doctor left the room, everything finally hit Peter. He took a shaky step forward and gripped Tony's weak hand firmly, unable to stop the torrent of tears that finally cascaded from his eyes. They'd been together for almost two years, Peter was almost nineteen now. The emotions he felt now were more intense than anything he'd felt before. He swore his heart was trying to rip right out of his throat. He sobbed for a moment, pulling his mask halfway up his face and he knelt down beside Tony's bed. Tony let out a weak chuckle that turned into a gurgling cough and turned toward Peter. He slid his fingers from Peter's grip and softly stroked his exposed cheek with the backs of his fingers.  
"It's ok, baby doll. I'm ok," he tried to reassure in his weak voice. "My suit got the worst of it, I promise," he lied to the teen. "I'll need your help to fix it up." Peter sniffled, his whole body trembling with the force of trying to hold himself together.  
"I almost lost you, Tony," Peter barely managed to whisper. Tony didn't respond right away, thumb rubbing delicately against Peter's lips. Finally, Tony motioned for Peter to lay with him in the small bed. Peter climbed gracefully next to the larger man and curled up against his chest, ear pressed against the gentle hum of the blue reactor in Tony's chest. Tony held him as tightly as he could and kissed his forehead through the mask.  
"Pete... Someday you might lose me," he said bluntly. Peter stiffened at the words and looked up at Tony's face, expression incredulous.  
"Wh... Why would you say that?" Peter whispered, an almost angry edge to his voice.  
"Sweet love, I'm old. I'm not nearly as strong or resilient as you. Someday, you _might_ lose me. And you'll still be here to carry on. I want you to know that I want you to try to be happy anyways. Find love after me. Hell, find love before I'm gone, you deserve better than me anyways," he chuckled mirthlessly. Peter couldn't believe what he was hearing.  
"Stop it. Just stop it now, I can't believe you would say-" Peter's angery outburst was interrupted by a light knock on the door, and Nat, Steve, Bucky and Clint slowly filed into the dim room. Peter made to move off of the bed but Tony held his hip firmly. "Please stay," he whispered to the teen. Peter slowly laid back down next to the man.  
The other four had visited for a while, bringing gifts of Tony's favorite candies to satisfy his sweet tooth and trying to lighten the mood  
Eventually, Tony had sent them home for the night to clean up and take care of themselves. He'd asked Peter to stay with him. Peter had been quiet, thinking about what Tony had said, but they didn't talk about it again.  
He was discharged from the hospital the next morning and Peter took him straight home to dote on his every need.  
Peter barely ate or slept for that whole week, telling himself that his needs weren't as important as Tony's. He dropped six pounds by the end of the week and Peter was shocked when he weighed himself and discovered it. He didn't feel like he'd been hungry enough to eat, and definitely not hungry enough to lose weight.  
By the time Tony was up and moving again, Peter was pretty much back to his normal self but in the back of his mind, he worried so much about losing Tony and what the older man had said. He worried that one day Tony would tire of him and send him away. His worry soon began to replace the smiles on his face and he became consumed with thoughts of it. He wanted to be close to Tony again the way they had been before but he was so scared to make the man feel suffocated, so he began to isolate himself. What if Tony was just trying to prepare him for the day when he found a better lover?  
He tried not to be in the lab with Tony as much and to spend more nights in his old bedroom, even though his heart wanted so badly to be close to Tony's.  
Everyone started to notice the way Peter never smiled anymore, and the way his skin was beginning to look gray, dark circles under his eyes even after a night of sleep.  
Tony didn't know what had happened but he knew that Peter was pulling away from him. He tried his hardest to get Peter to stay, but the teen just seemed determined to stay away. He wondered if maybe Peter was going to leave him and, though it broke his heart to think about, he wanted Peter to be happy.  
He stole affections when he could, getting close to Peter in the kitchen and stealing a kiss before he abruptly turned and left, or trying to snake his hand onto his hip before he would inevitably squirm away from the touch. Times when he couldn't steal close to the teen, he waited for Peter to come back to him with a heavy heart. 

Peter was starting to wear oversized sweatshirts and long sleeves all the time despite the weather, and his spidersuit constantly needed re-sized to fit again. Peter had asked Tony to show him how and then began to do it himself so that Tony wouldn't know how often it was being done.  
He started restricting his diet, cutting out certain foods altogether and imposing strict rules for himself. He started only eating foods that he determined were "safe foods", avoiding breads, pastas and rice, as well as anything sweet. He didn't know why he felt the need to control something so rigorously but it gave him a strange sense of calm that urged him to continue. It was like there was a voice in his head that filled him with purpose.  
He spent less and less time with his teammates and almost no time with his lover anymore, consumed the way he was by thoughts of food and calories and weight. He sat in his room in the dark, scouring chat sites and group pages for people that had the same thoughts, posting pictures of their dream bodies and encouraging each other to keep going. He sought out ways to control his hunger and his body's natural instinct for food, stepping on his scale multiple times a day for any sign of what he considered success. He barely even left his room if he didn't have to, too afraid of being made to eat or being offered food in general. He knew it didn't make sense and he knew that he was sick, but he couldn't bring himself to stop. It was the one thing in his life that he felt like he finally had complete control over.

Some days though, he couldn't avoid it without it looking too suspicious.  
He'd been invited to go out with Tony and the rest of the Avengers to some high end, fancy Italian style eatery that Tony had discovered not far from the compound and was excited to share with them. He'd sat next to Tony and tried to keep his smile plastered on his face while mentally counting just how many calories were placed before him and trying to decide how best to look like he was actually eating. He spent a lot of time cutting things into tiny pieces and pushing them around on his plate before anything made it past his lips. He followed every micro bite with a much larger sip of water, hoping to make his stomach full before he'd actually eaten very much. He was busy cutting and moving food around when he felt Tony's hand rest on his knee. The older man was engrossed in a conversation with Bucky, who sat diagonally from him, and gave Peter's knee a light squeeze and a pat through his jeans. Peter tensed up, starting to sweat a little bit, knowing that underneath his jeans he looked like skin and bones and knowing that he felt the same way as he looked.  
He gently slid his own hand onto his thigh, sliding it down toward his knee until he slowly pushed Tony's hand from his knee completely, pretending to scratch an itch that wasn't there and resting his boney hand where Tony's had sat. He tried not to make eye contact with Tony as if it had just been coincidental, but from the corner of his eye he could see Tony's face fall slightly, smile disappearing for a moment before he cleared his throat and pretended it hadn't happened. He threw himself back into Bucky's spirited conversation, turning his body away from Peter and pulling his smile back on.  
Peter felt guilt crushing in his chest but he made no move to reach for the older man, choosing instead to continue pretending to eat.

Other times, it wasn't as easy to fake it and he had to force himself to really eat. That's what had happened today.  
Nat had made sandwiches for everyone and they had all sat together in the common area. Peter couldn't be the only one to slink away, so he was forced to stay and take real bites, mind filling with anxiety as he did.  
He decided to use a trick he called "quick exit", taking huge bites, chewing as quickly as he could and washing those large bites down with big gulps of water.  
It only took about 3 minutes for him to finish both and he immediately felt nauseous. He stood and quietly excused himself to the bathroom, not even realizing that the conversation had all but stopped as they watched him practically marathon eating with shocked expressions.  
He did however notice that Tony sat on the opposite side of the table today, rather close to Bucky actually, instead of where he would have normally sat next to Peter. Tony leaned in toward Bucky when he spoke or told a joke, looking so relaxed next to him, and his warm smile and bolsterous laugh directed at the muscular man tugged at Peter as he watched. The blue eyed man seemed to be watching Tony's face rather closely too, Peter thought.  
He decided to keep his focus on getting rid of his lunch instead of that particular heart ache.  
He quickly shut and locked the door behind him, turning the knobs on the sink and knealing down as he raised the lid of the toilet. The faster he got it out, the less his body could digest, he rationalized to himself. He _had_ to do this now.  
He stuck two fingers down his throat and held them there, fighting against his gag reflex until he felt what he'd been waiting for.  
He felt his anxiety easing, as if it were pouring out of his body in the same way his lunch did. He stood and quickly flushed, washing his hands and face and swirling water around his mouth to get the stomach acid taste out.  
He then opened the door to make his way back and narrowly avoided walking straight into Bucky.  
"Oh, sorry man," he muttered out, gaze cast downward. He didn't really want to look at the man, the image of Tony getting closer to him seared into the back of his mind. He couldn't really be mad honestly, if that's what Tony was doing; getting closer to someone else. Peter had spent so much time pushing him away that it only made sense. He didn't have a right to be upset by it.  
He just didn't want to see it happening right in front of him.  
"I heard you hurl," Bucky stated plainly.  
"You get off on listening to people in the bathroom?" Peter tried to make it sound like a joke so he didn't seem paranoid.  
He left Bucky to use the restroom and saw that everyone else had pretty much finished their food and had cleaned up, milling about or had gone to do other things.  
He saw Tony reading on the couch and his heart gave a tug, seeing the man alone. He decided to take the opportunity to be near him while he had the chance. He flopped down on the couch and swung his legs into Tony's lap, hoping he wouldn't just shove him off. To Peter's relief he actually draped an arm over Peter's ankles gently. Peter didn't realize but Tony was trying to soak up as much touch as he could as well, without pushing Peter away. He'd never have pushed him away.  
"You alright kid? You ran to the bathroom pretty quick after you ate, I was getting worried about you," Tony said, careful not to meet Peter's gaze, watching from his peripheral vision instead.  
"I'm fine. I think that sandwich just wasn't sitting well in my stomach is all," Peter said, reaching for the remote and hoping Tony wouldn't press the issue.  
Tony noticed the way Peter's sleeve hung wide around his tiny, fragile wrist and he did his best not to freeze up at the sight of the skeleton wearing the boy's clothes. He'd have had to be blind to not notice the weight the teen was dropping, how pale he was becoming, the way he woke up in the morning and drank a liter of water before he did anything else and stayed away most of his nights. He hadn't been patrolling in so long, and Tony suspected it had to do with the way his spidersuit hung off him like a child in his father's clothes.  
He knew the word for Peter's illness but he feared if he said it, it would make it real. He didn't want to believe that his sweet, precious, stars-in-his-eyes boy was so in need of such _serious_ help. He'd tried to just get the boy to eat, but Peter was avoiding Tony like a plague and he was so afraid to push the boy farther from him.  
He was beginning to worry, though, that if he waited much longer it would be too late.  
He saw Peter falling asleep on the arm of the sofa and decided to try to cuddle up to the boy. He slowly stretched his arms above his head and leaned down beside Peter, wrapping his arms around his barely there middle. He tried to pretend he didn't notice how little there was left of Peter and nuzzled his head into the teens' side, thankful that he hadn't tried to move away. He fell into sleep almost immediately, mind at ease with his arms around his lover. He'd been sleeping fitfully as of late, knowing that Peter was down the hall doing his best to starve himself to death and finally being able to hold his boy made him feel safe enough to sleep.

He woke a while later to see that Peter was already awake but hadn't tried to move away. He heard faint voices before he'd woken up and knew someone must have been in the room with them just moments ago. He wrapped his arms tighter around Peter and breathed out a noisy sleepy sigh before asking, "who're you talking to, lover baby?"  
Peter's attention turned to the man and he couldn't help the warm joy that washed over him upon hearing the pet name, skin prickling.  
"Uh, it was just Steve. Just checking on you. We all know you don't sleep much," Peter lied. Tony hummed in response and held his grip firmly at Peter's waist.  
Peter glanced around the room and saw that they were the only two left in it, then plucked up his courage to talk to Tony. He realized that he hadn't really talked to him in a very long time. Much longer than it should have been.  
"So... You and Bucky seem to be pretty close lately," Peter began, trying to sound nonchalant as he said it. Tony didn't respond, waiting for Peter to continue.  
"You guys hanging out more?" He asked. Tony shrugged his shoulders slightly.  
"I suppose a little bit. He needed my help recalibrating his arm the other day and he's been coming to visit me in the lab now that there's so much space in there. What with it being just me and all."  
Peter figured it was probably a dig to make him feel guilty, but didn't react outwardly.  
"Yeah, he's pretty good looking. Good guy, too. You two probably have a lot in common." Tony's face started to display his confusion at what Peter was saying.  
"I... _Guess?_ " Tony said, voice sounding puzzled. He turned his head up to look at Peter's face.  
"Probably a good kisser?" Peter looked down at Tony, meeting his eyes as he said it. "Better than me, I'm sure. Man, what a mouth he has, right?"  
Tony's face screwed up into something like confusion but closer to anger. "What-why would I-"  
Peter pressed on, not entirely sure what his own end game even was. Maybe it was just to hurt himself and solidify that he wasn't good enough for Tony.  
"I bet he's better in bed too. He's got a lot more experience than me, I bet he makes you come harder than I ever could." Tony sat upright, turning to face Peter, look of angry disbelief all over his face.  
"Why would I be _fucking Bucky?_ Is this-are we _done_? Is this you telling me that you don't want me anymore?" Tony was yelling at this point but his face looked devastated rather than angry, tears shining in his eyes.  
Peter's breath caught in his throat at the man's words. He nervously circled his thumb and middle finger around his own wrist, trying to ease his anxiety, rubbing the skin in circles subconsciously.  
"It's ok, Tony. You deserve someone so much better than me. And I just want you to be happy-" Tony cut off the younger man this time.  
"Alright, that's enough!" He yelled loudly, making Peter jump and bringing him fully into the moment. Peter's eyes went wide and he looked at the older man, not saying anything.  
"Is _that_ why you've been pushing me away? Why you've been avoiding me? You think you don't _deserve_ me? You think I don't _want_ to be with you? Do you have any idea the amount of times I've been awake in bed, _wishing_ you were with me? How many times I've just wanted to hold you in my arms and kiss you and you weren't there? How many times I've just wanted to see you smile? I _love_ you, Peter! I _love_ you! I want _you_! I never want to lose you!"  
Peter cut in with a tearful voice.  
"But Tony, I _can't lose you!_ " Peter wailed, finally admitting his deepest fears.  
Fat tears flowed freely down Peter's face and his shoulders were wracked with sobs. Tony reached his hands up to cup the boy's thin face and tried to wipe his tears away with his thumbs but they were flowing too fast.  
"Oh, sweetheart," he cooed sympathetically. "Is this about me being in the hospital?" He asked, finally beginning to put some of the pieces together in his mind. "Is that what all of this has been about?"  
Peter nodded vigorously, unable to speak around his sobs.  
"Oh, _Peter_ ," Tony breathed, pulling him in tightly against his chest and trying his best to soothe the boy. His bones felt so fragile under Tony's hands.  
For the first time in months, Peter fully opened his body to Tony's embrace and held him firmly in return, sobbing into his shoulder.  
"Peter I-what I said-" he struggled to make sense of his words. "I didn't mean to scare you Peter, I just wanted you to be prepared for anything that could happen. Never did I want to push you away, that's the last thing I would ever want! I'm so lucky to have you, and I wouldn't trade you for anyone else in the world!"  
Tony held Peter for a while, soothing the boys cries and going over in his mind how they'd ended up here.  
After a while Clint had walked into the kitchen, not realizing the two men were there, and flipped on the light in the mostly dark room. He opened the fridge and pulled out a carton of juice, turning around and finally noticing the two on the couch.  
"Oh! I-I'm..." He flushed, realizing he was intruding on something. Tony held his hand up.  
"It's alright, we were just heading to my room." He picked up the slight teen and carried him down the hallway and into the bedroom they used to share, placing him gently in the middle of the bed and climbing up next to him. He held Peter tightly through the night, consoling his fears and trying to comfort him as much as possible.

When morning came, Peter felt a sense of serenity and peace that he hadn't in so long. He looked down to the man sleeping on the bed still and waves of guilt crashed over him at everything he'd put him through. He decided to finally come clean with Tony and show him everything as soon as he woke up. He slowly stretched his body, feeling his ribs and hips as he did so, circling his fingers around his wrists and his hands around his thighs. He knew he had to get healthy or risk losing everything, but a part of his mind felt like he was losing control of it all, and it made him feel like he was going to panic. He closed his eyes and tried to take big, calming breaths to stave off the anxiety attack.  
He didn't notice Tony stirring awake beside him as he did so, and jumped when his warm hand rested on his tiny thigh.  
"Baby?" Tony said, voice sounding groggy. Peter smiled down at him, feeling calmed just by Tony's single word.  
"C-can we go take a shower?" He asked, voice small. Tony smiled back at him.  
"Of course. Anything you want, my prince." He responded, sitting up slowly and kissing Peter gently on his forehead. Peter took a deep breath to steele himself and climbed from the bed, heading toward the bathroom.

Tony watched Peter's tiny frame walking away nervously and his heart felt full, pounding in his chest. He was so thankful that Peter had finally opened up to him again, even if only a little. He'd craved the teens' touch for so long and had wanted to hear Peter breathing in his sleep again so badly. He was determined to be there for him no matter what he needed. He swiped away a couple tears as they fell and stood to join him in the large bathroom.

Peter stood in the middle of the bathroom, arms wrapped around himself as he gazed absently into the mirror. He looked at his body under his too large sweater from all angles and squeezed and pinched himself in different places. He moved to step onto the scale and wore a tiny frown when he saw the number.  
"How much?" Tony asked, voice ultra quiet, as though he were afraid of the answer. The older man's voice caught Peter's attention and he looked up at him.  
"It says 101 but it was lower last night. I didn't even eat anything yet," he said, as though the statement was a totally normal one.  
Tony blanched at the miniscule number and the thought that Peter had actually weighed less before. Peter swallowed and stepped off the scale, preparing himself for the inevitable look that Tony would give him once he was naked, and slowly pulled at the sleeve of his sweater until his arm was free. He then pulled at the other and gripped the hem of his shirt from the inside, preparing himself to completely remove it. He looked nervously into Tony's eyes and saw the fear there, so he turned his attention to the mirror at his side and watched his lithe body being revealed as he slowly pulled the sweater over his head instead. He watched the way his muscles and sinew moved across his visible bones and couldn't help feeling a tiny bit pleased that his control was so visible. He quickly stepped back onto the scale and after a moment read off the number.  
"97!" He called out, unable to hide the satisfied note in his voice and the tiny smile on his lips. He looked at himself in the mirror again, pinching the skin on his stomach. The voice in his head told him that he was still too big, his imperfections and flaws were disgusting and no one could love him the way he was. The logical part of his brain took in the way his hips jutted from his body as if they were trying to escape and knew that he looked unhealthy. Both sides screamed that he was a grotesque, unlovable thing and he began to rethink showing himself to Tony. He quickly crossed his arms over his torso, though it did little to cover him, thin as they were. His gaze was cast down and it took him a few moments before he could look back into Tony's eyes.  
The older man stood near the doorway, one arm guarded against his chest and the other hand across his mouth, silent tears falling from his eyes as he looked at what was left of the boy he loved. Peter could see that the man trembled slightly and he was overtaken with guilt again. He quickly bent down to reach for his sweater from the floor again and gripped it in front of himself.  
"I'm sorry Tony, I-I'm... I'm so disgusting, I shouldn't have shown this to you. This was a mistake," he quickly apologized, making his way for the door behind Tony to leave.  
Tony quickly held his hand out to stop Peter from leaving, grazing against the teen's upper arm.  
"P-please... Stay," Tony whispered, voice thick with emotions. "You're not disgusting, sweetheart, you're just sick. I want to help you. Please let me help you," he pleaded, looking Peter in his deep chocolatey eyes instead of at his body. Peter finally met Tony's eyes straight on and let out a deep sigh, tears filling his own eyes, and he nodded.  
"Please help me," he whispered in return.  
Tony surged forward and wrapped the tiny boy in his arms as tightly as he dared. He held the teen against his chest as he ran his hands up and down Peter's back. He could feel every bump and ridge in Peter's spine and the long ribs connected. He was so glad Peter had finally asked for his help that he could barely contain himself.  
"Your skin is so cold. Let's get in the shower, my prince," Tony murmured gently. Peter's soft curls bounced against Tony's shoulder as he nodded his agreement.  
Tony reached his hands down to Peter's waist and slowly, gently slid the sweat pants he wore down, giving the boy ample time to express if he didn't want Tony's help. Peter didn't move.  
He pushed them down past his knees and knelt down to help Peter step out of them. His knees stuck out painfully and his thighs didn't touch anymore. He fidgeted nervously as Tony took in his new body for the first time. The way his boxer briefs hung loosely from his hips, the bruises that bloomed across his skin. His skin was dry and a downy, almost clear covering of hair coated Peter's entire body. It was his body's way of trying to keep the teen warm without any fat to insulate or regulate his temperature. Tony stayed on his knees once Peter was in nothing but his underwear and looked up at Peter's shy face. He looked like he was full of shame, turning to look away from Tony.  
Tony gently held Peter's hips in his firm grip and kissed Peter's stomach, just below his navel, moving slowly down to the waistband of his boxers and trailing kisses from sharp hip bone to hip bone. He then kissed up Peter's body, up his exposed sternum and onto his razor sharp collar bones, placing the wettest warmest kisses on Peter's neck, below his jaw.  
"I love you, Peter," he whispered before pulling back and beginning to remove his own clothes. Peter couldn't help but reach his slender fingers forward and trail the hem of Tony's shirt as he removed it, tracing across Tony's stomach and chest. It had been so long since they'd touched each other and Tony appreciated the feeling. He leaned forward and captured the teens' lips in a deep, slow, passionate kiss as his hands continued removing his own clothes.  
Once he was naked, he broke the kiss and walked past Peter to the large stand up shower, turning the knobs. Peter dropped his own boxers, finally feeling more confident in front of the older man, and joined him in the shower. Tony smiled warmly at him and took his time to wash and kiss every part of Peter that he could reach, relishing in the affection he hadn't been able to give for so many months. He stopped when he felt himself growing hard, standing straight and turning his body slightly away with a flush.  
"Sorry, I can't help myself around you," he laughed quietly, gripping himself loosely. Peter's eyes went wide.  
"I still turn you on?" He asked the older man incredulously. Tony laughed quietly.  
"Of course. I still love you. You're still my Petey Pie, right?"  
Peter's face went pink and he smiled, nodding his head.  
"As long as you want me," he said back, stepping closer to Tony. They kissed deeply again and made quick work of washing up and getting out of the shower.

Once they'd dried off, Tony led Peter back to his bed, lifting him gently like a child by his waist and placing him on the edge where he knelt before him. He gently carressed the outside of both of Peter's knees, kissing the inside of them and moving up Peter's thighs. Peter's breathing sped up above him and Tony took it as encouragement to continue worshipping his teen.  
His tongue began licking small wet patches on Peter's soft, delicate thighs and he reached his hands up to grip Peter's boney hips gently.  
Peter groaned at the feeling, growing hard from the attention embarrassingly quickly. He hadn't been touched in longer than he could remember, even by himself. He threaded his fingers through Tony's shiny black hair and gently but firmly pulled, trying to guide his mouth higher.  
Tony didn't need much convincing, quickly swallowing Peter's whole length at once. He was so excited to share pleasure with Peter again that he had to restrain himself from giving too much, too fast.  
Peter moaned out above him loudly, dropping his knees open wide for his older lover, and Tony took Peter as deep into his throat as he could, moaning around the soft red flesh.  
"Oooh, thank you Tony, thank you, god I love you so much-" Peter panted, getting close to hyperventilating.  
"Please, it's so good, it's too good, I-you have to slow down Tony, I'm g-uhhh, I'm gonna pass out," Peter whispered breathily.  
Tony all but stopped his motions, hearing Peter say that he was getting close to passing out rather than getting close to finishing. The boy must be blacking out regularly if his heartbeat elevating made him so lightheaded, Tony thought to himself, distraught.  
He slowed his pace was to one that was more languid and painstakingly focused on Peter's pleasure, noisily slurping and humming as he worked.  
Peter let out a sigh at the feeling and closed his eyes, fingers still threaded in Tony's soft hair and gently rocking his hips into Tony's mouth. He hooked a leg over Tony's shoulder and kneaded his fingers in Tony's hair, coming undone fast.  
"Thank you Tony, thank you so much, I'm so sorry, so sorry for what I did to you. I-I-" Peter let out a strangled sound and tugged at Tony's hair, trying to pull him off, but Tony gripped Peter's hips firmly and waited to feel his teen come. He moaned in pleasure as soon as Peter's hot fluid touched his tongue and he eagerly swallowed it all. Tony waited for Peter to come down from his high before pulling off and watching his face.  
Peter panted, chest heaving as he drew in huge gulps of air, and his body trembled from the exertion. Tony feared for a moment that he could see the boy's heart beating through his thin chest, but a moment later Peter opened his eyes and brushed his damp curls from where they clung to his forehead.  
"Thank you Tony," he said again, looking the older man in the eye, despite the flush of his cheeks.  
"I didn't deserve that."  
Tony scoffed quietly. "If anything, you deserved more," he stated matter of factly. Peter blushed darker and ducked his head down with a delicate smile on his lips.  
"I tell you what baby boy," Tony patted Peter's knee gently as he stood up. "Why don't we make an appointment with a doctor friend of mine to start getting you help?" He held his hand out to help Peter stand. Peter looked reluctant and nervous and didn't respond or meet Tony's eyes. The older man continued.  
"Later. For right now, why don't we just go get some breakfast together? What do you say?" He smiled gently at Peter, still offering his hand.  
Peter thought it over in his head. The part of him that was sick screamed that he should say no, that he should just stay back and drink water and stay sick. He tried to swallow back his anxiety and looked up at Tony's face.  
The face he'd loved for so long. He saw nothing but love and acceptance in his warm velvety eyes and his smile was so sweet and genuine and warm. Tony didn't think his body was disgusting . He didn't judge him or try to make him feel like he should be punished. He loved him, held him, comforted him and offered him help, as well as a release. Peter filled his lungs with cool air and steeled his resolve, reaching out to accept Tony's hand.  
"That sounds good, Tony. That sounds really good."

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoyed it <3  
> The song they danced to at Peter's birthday party is 2's My Favorite 1 by Coheed and Cambria  
> https://youtu.be/QL6RHyl0Y6k
> 
> Let me know what you think please! Comments are always appreciated, even if you hated it!


End file.
